Getting Dressed Is Tough // Guest Blog by Liz Fever
When the crew at Quarter Moon Co. asked me to do a guest spot on their blog, I totally freaked. What am I going to write about? What do I want to convey to the amazing readers of their blog? Can I do this?! … Wow, imposter syndrome is totally real. So, rather than reinventing the wheel, I’m bringing back an old standby. This piece, titled Getting Dressed is Tough, has resonated with womxn in my community, and I hope it resonates with you too. For me, it’s all about showing womxn that no matter what, you can be completely yourself in your clothing. Enjoy!
This morning I changed my outfit four times. Not because I wanted to, but because nothing fit. The pile of clothing is growing on the bed, branching down to the floor, because at this point I’ve put on nearly 10 garments. Why is this happening? Why is nothing fitting? Why don’t I look cool? Why am I not HER or HIM or THEM?
I know the answer to these questions, but the answers don’t make things any easier. Nothing fits because my body is changing. More specifically, my body is growing. After years of restrictive dieting and over exercising, I finally let that shit go. I chose to return to eating and essentially ended my relationship with the gym. The pendulum swung from one extreme to the other, and now I need new pants. And therapy so that I can mend my relationship with my body without breaking down crying over a piece of fabric that won’t button around my waist.
Not looking cool is a whole other story. As a small fat person, I strive to look put together, because a fat person in leggings and a sweatshirt is obviously a lazy slob, right? I should be wearing A-line shirts, wrap dresses and things that flatter my figure without over sexualizing it. However, if you look at my personal style inspiration, you’ll see oversized tees with leather leggings or a huge sweater over a bodycon dress. On one hand these types of garments work well for bodies that inevitably change in size and shape through the seasons, but can lend themselves to looking too relaxed, too casual, in a world where appearance is so harshly criticized, and even more so because of body size. I can’t look cool by my own definition because I will be judged. I can’t be the cool, laid back, casually styled girl because of my body.
The answer to why I’m not another person is obvious. I’m not someone else because I’m me. I love my body, my belly, my mind, my compassionate heart and my highly sensitive demeanor. I don’t want to be someone else. But at the moment where I’ve put on four different outfits, I’m sweating because I’m rushing to change, I’m going to be late for work, and I feel guilty about my growing body and needing to buy new clothes, I really want to be someone else.
Eventually I settled on an outfit - a black dress that fits like a glove because it’s a newly purchased garment in my newly accepted size. For today, I’ve won the battle against my clothing and my mind. Hopefully tomorrow morning, and every morning after that, I can continue to fight to love my body, in any garment that makes me feel joy and at any size I may be. I can finally leave the pile of discarded pieces of clothing behind and go to work, where inevitably someone will call this dress flattering.
Liz Fever is the founder and creative director behind Liz Wears What. The mission of Liz Wears What is to empower womxn and brands through size inclusive creative direction, styling services and virtual assistance. Liz’s goal is to help clients find their authentic audience, discover their personal style, and give them the freedom to grow their business.